Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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