hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there is glitter all over my balls
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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