Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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