he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
