woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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