All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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