This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
