If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
