Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
