My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.