Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
did i just pee glitter
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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