so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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