so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The air taste purple.
Randomize
