Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
