HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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