My brain says no but my pants say off.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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