let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
