Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
