She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
