he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize