I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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