Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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