i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
