He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
