Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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