I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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