I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So vagazzling was a success
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
