This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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