i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
