So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
