So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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