Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
