I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
