nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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