i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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