break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
