she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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