This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
