Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
