Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
