FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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