I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
