Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
