I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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