She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
