Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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