I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
