remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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