Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
