From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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