Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
