When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dignity is for republicans.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
