let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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