and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize