The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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