Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
