So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
