dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
