One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
