She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
