Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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