I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
