he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
