im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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