sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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