Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
