The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
